No Sexy Magazine

(I wrote this last week and I never got around to posting it.)

I just had a really arduous conversation in a Persian/Middle Eastern grocery store, and I'm pretty sure the difficulty had nothing to do with language.

I took a mid-morning walk down Stevens Creek Boulevard, and I stopped at M&M Food Mart to check out their selection of pickles and feta cheese (Easter is right around the corner!). I was not planning on buying anything until I saw a few Middle Eastern magazines with Nicole Kidman on the cover. No, I don't really spend any of my spare time reading about Nicole Kidman, but Heather does, and I thought it would be interesting to read through an Americanized Arab celebrity magazine with her. Because of the high price (Seven bucks!), I wanted to make absolutely sure that I was getting a true People-type magazine, and not 90 pages about hair or pants or some other magazine theme that no one cares about except for SuperCuts.

So I asked the clerk about the shrink-wrapped mag, and I really don't think he could get past the fact that I was a 24 year-old male. I did enjoy his accent though:

Me: Hi! (pointing) Are those magazines about celebrities? What's the title? (I am Egyptian, yes, but I can't read Arabic).

Clerk: No no. Those are for woman.

Me: I know, I'm getting it as a gift for someone.

Clerk: It's woman magazine. For woman.

Me: I know, I'm getting it for a woman. So what does this title say?

Clerk: (sigh) It's not…It's not sexy magazine. It's stuff…has stuff for woman. (And he says this next part in a friendly way) Not for you.

Me: Okay…can you tell me what the name of the magazine is?

Clerk: No! It's not sexy magazine!


At this point, I really didn't want a Middle Eastern Cosmo/Seventeen-type collection of the following articles:

"60 Things That Will Drive Him Magnoon in Bed!"
"Get That Sharm El-Sheikh Figure By June!"
"Spring Break on the Sinai Peninsula!"
"How to Dress Hella Halwa! Hollaaaaaaaa!"

So I decided not to waste my money, said "thank you" and walked out of the store.

It was not sexy magazine.