What Would Jesus Drive?

Today, The Vatican released its 10 Commandments for Drivers. The Vatican's office for migrants and itinerant people also urged motorists to "obey traffic regulations, drive with a moral sense, and pray when behind the wheel." Here's a sample of a few of the commandments:

1. You shall not kill.
5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.
10. Feel responsible towards others.

Unfortunately, they forgot a few:

11. The bass line of "This is Why I'm Hot" coming from your stereo does not sound as good as you think it does. Please keep your music inside your car.
12. See that big car with the flashy lights and the siren? That's an ambulance. It's going to take people who are almost dead to the hospital so they can be less dead. Pull over and let it go where it needs to go.
13. It says "STOP" on those octagonal red signs. It's not really that complicated. It involves your car coming to a stop. If they wanted you to yield, it would say "YIELD." If it wanted you to dance it would say "HARUJUKU LOVERS."
14. For pedestrians: We understand the need to cross traffic at many points along the road. But please, remember one thing: you are lazily sauntering across a road designed for 3000-pound metal boxes that go very fast in a perpendicular vector to the path in which you are traveling. So... Run You Stupid F'ing Pedestrians, Run!